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| 10:53pm 29/10/2006 |
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I am quitting livejournal. Again. I am just sick of it and upset that I let myself get to a point where I would actually write private-ish stuff in here that I actually didn't want to get spread around. So. I quit. |
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| 10:43am 29/10/2006 |
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Today is Sunday. I am in Patrick's room watching The Scariest Places on Earth and am continually skeptical about the whole thing, but whatev. This show makes me really want to go to a haunted place which conflicts with an earlier assertion that I never would. But these people are such wimps. They're all "omg that broom moved!!!11!" and crying and just being wimpy. I don't think I would be THAT wimpy.
I'm hungry. I think I'm going to go to McDonald's because it's about a block away and cheap. And Patrick only has mac and bread. No good. |
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| So. Frickin. Annoyed. |
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| 12:41am 27/10/2006 |
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mood:  pissed off
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So my day didn't go well. First my boss held me over at work, making it so I had to get a ride from Drew to class in order to have time to eat lunch. Then I had to pee REALLY bad during my medieval lit class, and I was sitting in the front row, and I felt humiliated when it got to the point where I had to actually get up and leave. Then I found out I basically had to rewrite my paper during the paper workshop after class. When I finally got out of the workshop, it was getting dark and raining, so I called Drew for a ride back, but he couldn't even talk to me on the phone because he had a "commitment" to World of Warcraft. So I walked home alone in almost-dark in the rain. Brilliant. Then my neighbor decided to play music loud until 9-ish (as I'm trying to write my paper), and then play his guitar until after 10:30 when I went over and asked them AGAIN to use headphones after 10 on school nights. The girl who was high the last time I went over showed up and treated me pretty coldly, and I bet she's not going to like me after a while. But some of us have to do homework. And some of us have to sleep. And some of us WANT TO MOTHERFUCKING KILL EVERYONE. |
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| I think I might quit French. |
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| 04:24pm 25/10/2006 |
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mood:  determined
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So. I think I might quit French. I am really annoyed with the whole thing. I originally planned to double major with French and English, but then knocked it down to a French minor b/c I want to graduate at the end of next year. But now my French teacher is like "holy shit you suck balls!" and I'm like "fuck you!" When I stop and evaluate why I'm doing the French minor in the first place, I realize it's kind of pointless. Yes, I like French. Yes it opens one or two doors in the job market (all in teaching). But I don't want to put in all this effort for nothing. And as I move forward I realize more and more I want to be involved in publishing, editing, and writing in general. French isn't going to be a great help, especially not just a French minor and there's no way I'm going back to a French major. So. I think this might be my last term of French.
Also, the Sears thing didn't work out. I told them I didn't want to work Fridays and Saturdays (because that's my only time to visit family) and the woman I was talking to said it didn't matter and that she would schedule me for those days every week anyway. So we didn't even finish the interview and now here I am contemplating what the crap I'm going to do in 6 weeks when the term is over and my schedule changes dramatically.
Anywho... my "scene" for fiction writing is coming up. I will post it here when it's finished for feedback. |
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| 11:55am 24/10/2006 |
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I didn't go to class or work this morning. I woke up at 7:30 and just felt like I couldn't do it today. I just couldn't. I was feeling just shitty, a bit sickly and a bit depressed and I don't even know why. So I went back to bed until now, almost noon. I think I'll go to my afternoon class, but now I'm cramping like nobody's business and it all sucks. I really want to work out this evening, and I have an interview at 5 for a job a Sears, but I feel so god damned shitty. |
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| 01:45pm 22/10/2006 |
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mood: determined music: My Chemical Romance - some song
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I got a B on my encyclopedia research paper for my medieval lit class. I'm a little upset, but as I read the prof's comments I understood that I could have done better. So I have rededicated myself to doing the very best I possibly can, even if that means I have no life. Or no sleep. I want to do well so bad. |
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| Hello Sunshine! |
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| 02:13am 20/10/2006 |
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mood:  restless
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I have a bunch of homework to do that I don't really want to do. But I will. I just got finished watching a really, really, REALLY depressing episode of Nip/Tuck where one of the surgeon's mistress got terminal cancer and killed herself. They played out the whole scene and it was just so heart-wrenchingly terrible that I cried by myself in the living room and spilled mac on my chest.
I sent out my sister's birthday present today. I hope she likes it. I got her a couple of CDs and some earrings. I got a matching pair because they are adorable. My mommy and daddy are coming to visit day after tomorrow. I have a lot to do. All the time. I applied online to work at Old Navy. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to work there. Maybe they pay okay? I hope so. I need to call Lover's Package because I applied a month ago and they are still hiring. Bitches! I want to work there.
I'm going to do that right now. |
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| Aujourd'hui, c'est lundi. Il y a quatre jours pour moi apres ce soir! |
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| 11:51pm 16/10/2006 |
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So I went to NaNoWriMo with Erica this evening and was pretty bored for most of it. I'm not going next week. The meeting felt pretty pointless. It's no wonder 5 out of 180 or so participants showed up. Whatev. I still am going to do the thing.
I started a diet today. It is already kind of going downhill. I had 2 eggs for breakfast, a carrot, some corn and some crackers for lunch, then leftover chili with crackers and some "strawberry bars" (aka strawberry fig however you spell nuiten knockoffs) for dinner. I really want to have phad thai on Wednesday, and I don't really have much healthy food to start with. I don't know how this will work out exactly. I am working out tomorrow with Erica and Mitch.
I think I've decided to change my French major to a minor so I can get out of here in 2 years (so spring '08). I really think I can do it. After that, I dunno what, but college isn't the party of orgies and fun I thought it would be. So I'm just going to work hard and get the fuck out.
My entries lately have been a bit lacking in happiness. Maybe I should do more fun stuff. Like get crunk. Or go dancing. I'd like to go dancing. |
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| I. Feel. Disgusting. |
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| 07:42pm 11/10/2006 |
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mood:  full music: SOS - Rihanna
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I ate an entire box of mac for dinner. An entire box. That is definitely too much food. It was just so tasty, and I got distracted by Flavor of Love. So now it's all in my tummy. But then Megan was making a cake and had cake batter left over, and I love cake batter, so I ate several spoonfuls of that. And then the cake was finished (the cake she made for me for my birthday!) and I ate a piece of that. It was also delicious. I am such a compulsive eater. Ugh, it's disgusting.
It's my birthday! I am officially not a teenager anymore! Hooray!!!!!! I'm going out with my friend Todd tonight. It'll be a blast hopefully and hopefully not awkward. |
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| FUCKING SHIT |
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| 11:36pm 09/10/2006 |
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mood:  sad
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It figures that I post an Iloveyoualwaysandforever entry right before he doesn't care enough to call me and isn't bothered that I am bothered that he hasn't called me. It is quite upsetting. I am far away from him and he won't even provide the solace of letting me talk to him everyday? That's not very nice. It makes me quite sad, actually. |
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| 12:05am 09/10/2006 |
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I would live under your bed or in your closet if it meant always being close to you. |
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| Late night ramblings of an almost not teenaged sort of drama baroness |
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| 01:20am 08/10/2006 |
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I am home for the weekend. I spent last night with Patrick. That was great. It's nice to not have to sleep alone if only for one night. My new bed makes me feel kind of lonely at night. Tonight I'm staying at my parents' house. It feels even lonelier here. Sometimes I feel alienated by my parents, usually initated by my dad. Like on the way to dinner we were just having a nice conversation and he went on a rant about the Mormon church. Way to kill the mood dad. We watched Lucky Number Slevin, which I would recommend. Then they went to bed while I did some homework. Here I am. I'm on my fourth episode of Law and Order SVU and wishing that I was back at Patrick's apartment.
I was talking to Erica in the car on the way down and she mentioned how her mom got upset when she referred to her dorm room as home. I told her I never thought of my dorm room as home, and I don't think of my apartment as home. I sort of think of my parents' house as home, but really what home means to me is where Patrick is. I feel lonely a lot these days.
That's not important, though. If you experience an erection for longer than four hours call your doctor right away and prepare to do some explaining.
Oh yeah! I got my bike today! It is in a big box and still has to be assembled. I'm excited. And hungry. I want some candy or something delicious like that. And my teddy bear. |
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| I love macaroni and cheese. It isn't a flaw; it's amazing. |
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| 08:04pm 05/10/2006 |
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mood:  mellow
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I'm having mac and cheese again tonight. I love mac and cheese. I just can't get over it. Eventually it will come back to haunt me and I will be killed in the middle of the night by a cheddar wielding noodle, but until then I will just bask in the glory that is Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (or Target's Market Panty brand, whichever it may be).
I joined NaNoWriMo. I sincerely doubt I will be able to write 50 000 words of a novel in a single month, especially when I already feel pretty overloaded with homework as it is. I should probably start my French homework.
My job is picking up. I got this huge stack of filing basically done, so now I am doing records and bookkeeping on the computer where I just get client information and plug it into a program. Fun.
I went and worked out with Mitch and Matt B this evening. Now I feel really mellow. It's kind of nice, except I still have hw to do. Grey's Anatomy is on tonight too! Hooray!
Tomorrow I am driving home with Matt B and Erica. I will drop them off, meet up with Pattycakes for dinner then go to his place for the night. Then I will spend Saturday night with my parents and head home Sunday evening with those two people who will have gone down with me. I am happy, in a I-miss-Patty kind of way. |
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| Welcome back to all things worthwhile, said the Internet |
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| 09:02pm 03/10/2006 |
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mood: thankful
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We got cable internet today, along with cable television! Hooray! It's too bad though, because I have so much freakin homework that most of my time is occupied with that. And I'm only working 15 hrs per week. I guess it's good I didn't get any of the three other jobs I applied for. Bitches. Except I kind of want to quit this job I have. But I kind of don't, too, because it pays well and I get to work independently. Sure it gets a bit lonely in the back room that I have to dress up to be in, but it's better than dealing with children or manual labor or something.
Anywho. Homework is a bitch, but I really like my classes. This whole 10 week term thing is intense. I should only have 2 finals at the end, though. That will be nice... except I only had 2 in Boston as well... whatev. Whatev is right, yo! I'm writing this entry while having 4 conversations on AIM. That doesn't work too well.
I love my apartment. Love love love it. It beats the hell out of living on campus, even if I do have to walk 12 minutes to get to class. Again, whatev! I will be posting pics on facebook soon, I hope. Anywho, this entry isn't going well seeing as how I am very distracted.
In conclusion, thank god for the internet! |
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| Huzzah. |
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| 04:14pm 29/09/2006 |
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mood:  bouncy
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By my own will, I didn't watch Grey's Anatomy last night. Now I am very sad. But I will be watching Desperate Housewives on Sunday. Erica? I love you.
Oh, and today I had a real outside class. As in, my teacher made us sit outside on the grass to have class. Now my butt is soggy, but I kind of liked it. Welcome to hippie school, USA! And I saw Erica walking RIGHT BY ME but she didn't even look at me. God, she must hate me. |
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| Welcome to Western, Amber |
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| 08:26pm 23/09/2006 |
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I am here! No cable or internet until Oct. 2nd. Don't expect much from me, although i doubt you do anyway. Whoever you are. |
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| Let's see... I think it's Sunday, so tomorrow is Monday... hmm... |
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| 09:23am 17/09/2006 |
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mood: bouncy music: Patrick's loud breathing
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Tomorrow morning I register. I am praying to God I get all the class sections I want because I basically got a job two days ago. It's at Treena Tipton LPL (financial advising) down in Fairhaven. She only wants me for three hours a day, but she wants those hours directly in the middle of the day, so I either have to take wicked early classes or I need to split my schedule. Splitting my schedule is looking more appealing right now. That way I get to take the medieval lit class I want (assuming there are spaces left in it in the morning) and I don't have to take 2 8am classes after all. The upside to all of the moving around of classes and such is that I'm getting 9 bucks an hour to start. I really hope my schedule works out.
So, do you think I can get off work at 1:30 in Fairhaven, drive back to my apartment and walk to my class in the humanities building in 30 minutes? I think I might need to start running! But I need this, at least for now. I might try and work on getting a different job in a while so I don't have to fuck around with my schedule as much, and that will be sad for Treena but this whole thing is a bitch! Treena's not. She's nice.
So I found out Friday night that my dear old pal Ian who was going to loan me his sweet full sized bed is now not going to loan me his run-down little crappy frame and mattress. Well, he said I could have it until Oct 2nd until he needs it, but WTF?! Yay, I get it for two weeks! One of which I won't even be there for! Whatev. It's his so I can't be too upset about it. So today I'm going with Patrick to IKEA to possibly buy a new bed. More money I shouldn't really be spending, but I will need a bed for my college days and possibly beyond, so why not, right?
You know what's fun? Zipping two sleeping bags together and pretending to camp inside (because there's no bed). |
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| 08:40pm 09/09/2006 |
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mood: calm
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I went up to Bellingham today by myself because Patrick didn't want to get up early. I had an interview at 10:30 this morning with the Days Inn to be a receptionist and I think it went OK. I felt like the woman talked at me more than interviewed me. Then she's like: "Well, we're looking for someone to start sooner." I can start in 2 WEEKS! That is standard notice time for most jobs. That's when school starts! This is the reason I didn't get the last job I was basically perfect for, because the guy couldn't wait. It's really frustrating. If I was finding a real job they would realize that I already have a real job and I need to give standard notice in order to not burn that bridge and be a huge raging bitch whore who doesn't deserve to work. Ugh. I'm just really, intensely frustrated.
But anyway.
After the interview I went back to the apartment and emptied a couple of boxes and a bag, then assembled my desk. Let me tell you, that desk takes 2 people to assemble. But since I was there alone, my chair was a halfway suitable stand-in. It's a really unstable desk, and after I assembled it I had one very large piece left over. I don't know where it goes. Someone should tell me where it goes. I really hope that thing doesn't collapse and kill me. I'm really excited to get all of my stuff unpacked so I can take pictures of the apartment and post them all over the internet. It'll be amazing. I love my new comforter and lamp. They're wicked hot and I'm excited. The end.
Oh yeah, Patrick almost strangled me tonight and now he's so not getting any. |
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| I am so illegally online right now |
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| 05:53pm 08/09/2006 |
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mood: relaxed
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My stupid network won't work correctly for me, so I jumped onto someone else's because they didn't secure it. So basically I feel like the stress is fading a bit because the apartment is totally cool and everything is working out. I got the room I want with the agreement that Mitch and I (in the bigger rooms) will do extra chores. I plan on doing lots of extra chores because I'm really grateful to Megan and Drew for not being picky. Also, Patrick's mom is giving us a dining set and recliner! Woohoo!
Tomorrow I'm driving up to Bellingham for an interview at the Days Inn we just happen to live next to. I'm not getting my hopes up for the job because I feel like no one has wanted me so far, so I'm just going to do it and see if it pans out. I'm still crossing my fingers for Lover's Package. That would be so freakin great.
I only have 2 weeks of work left, then I'm off to Bellingham for good! Hooray! Yeah, that's basically all I have to say. I think. I feel like there was more. Maybe I'll think of it later. |
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| 12:43am 02/09/2006 |
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I am feeling very frustrated lately. Just with everything. My financial aid stuff came back and they didn't even respond to my parents' application for a Parent Plus Loan, not like they would have gotten it at all in the first place. A response would have been nice, though. So basically I got 4 grand, 3500 in loans for me and a 500 dollar scholarship. Woohoo. I estimate that I will have to pay 2 grand out of pocket. Yup, that's right, my pocket. I'm really excited to live in the apartment, but we've basically agreed that whoever lives upstairs has to pay more because the rooms are bigger which is really the most fair way to go, but I want to live up there SO BAD and I don't know if I would be able to budget for more rent. I'm going to try. Hell, who needs to eat anyway? But I've got a full sized bed, a large desk and a dresser I need to fit in there, all of which will not fit in the rooms downstairs. So if I have to live downstairs I'll have to use my small desk instead. All of this stuff is just running through my head constantly, particularly at work where I have nothing better to think about. When I stop and put everything into perspective it's really not a big deal at all but my stupid mind just won't stop running. It is wearing on me. On top of everything I decided to quit one of my prescriptions and as it turns out it has withdrawal effects! So at work I've been dizzy, extremely fatigued and feeling electric-like shocks in my limbs. Overall not pleasant. So that's my rant. I don't feel much better but at least now people know and know not to push me or I will forced to kill them. |
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amberakasatan's journal